WHAT IS WAR REALLY?

War is nothing like the hard times experienced in normal life. Many of us think we know war but we don’t.

To get a realistic grasp of what goes on inside those who have been in battle, take a moment now to look at what war is:

War is the wholesale action of killing and destroying people, places, and things in order to bend people to another group’s will. That will usually belongs to governments, heads of tribes or nations, or leaders of large groups.

Yet, governments, nations and tribes are made up of individuals. For each individual soldier involved in killing and destroying, personal psychology is at stake. War’s extreme violence and stress sustained over time affects physical changes in the brain and deeply damages the inner world of individuals that was shaped before battle. What might be seen as a thrilling adventure or noble duty before war becomes a raw and individual fight for basic physical and psychological existence the moment the killing starts.

Because of that, warring is a massively shattering impact to the psyche. Warring is the ultimate violence. Warring is trauma.

But the common talk about war is never about what this does to men’s inner lives. It’s as if men are immune from the violence they see and do, as if they are above the pain and suffering they make for others and themselves, as if the killing and destroying doesn’t matter.

Instead, we talk about strategies; maneuvers; advanced weaponry; partisan politics. We talk about the numbered accounts of those killed, wounded, or missing in action and we sharpen our talk about how to make the killing more efficient and tailored to any condition. We talk about the history of war, the advance of better wars. We talk about everything but what the effect of doing was has on the psychology of men.

The common talk about war gives the deeper human truth the lie.

WAR TALK

The general ways of talking and thinking about war are by way of slogans, euphemisms, platitudes and sound bites that don’t come close to the actual human experience.

We talk about war as if it is a noun, something that is static and unmoving that can be handled like inanimate objects. When we say we “go to war”, ”have a war”, and “leave it behind”, for example, we create the fuzzy illusion, even though we know better, that somehow war is “out there” and doesn’t directly involve us.

Maybe you have heard that war is:

• Sad But True
• Necessary Because
• Always Inevitable
• A Man’s Job
• A Noble Cause
• A Good (or Bad) War
• Our Patriotic Duty
• Heroic

Or has:

• Collateral Damage
• Combat effectiveness

and is

• For The Greater Good

• That War Is Hell is taken for granted.

But foot soldiers actually know what war is, and they aren’t necessarily talking.

Some people would say that warring is an instinct. Others, that men love war, that men are the cause of war, or that war is innate to our human condition.

Should you see the tears of men after warring as I have, you would doubt those ideas as I do.

This kind of talk causes problems for combatants once they are home and even more for those of us who love and interact with them. It leads us away from the reality and tricks us into thinking men who war could not possibly be so badly wounded inside that they can’t “handle it.” This causes problems for combatants when trying to figure out if they are going nuts as images and sensations come rushing back, and for those who love them wondering the same thing.

When combatants come home, they expect people to understand what they have been through and what it does to them.

They are surprised and not just a little hurt when they find out differently. They assume we know and can help them when the painful memories come.

They feel isolated and somehow wrong, inhuman

They WILL NOT get hurt again.

They withdraw.

DO THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF WAR MATTER?

There are wars of defense, in which people rise to protect themselves from others who would kill and destroy them, those they love and the way they live.

Then there are wars of aggression.

• Wars of revenge
• Wars for resources
• Wars of greed

Wars can be fought in cities and countrysides, in mountains, forests, deserts, on the seas and in the air and just about anyplace people go. All the venues for war have deep impact on things that will become triggers for war’s distresses later.

Wars can be civil wars between people of the same country or wars of nations against nations. They can be popular and unpopular, big or little, won or lost, or “good” or “bad” but make no mistake:

No matter the reason or the different ways wars can be fought, the impact on the inner life of men doing the killing and destroying is the same: TRAUMA and all it means, is inevitable.

Yet, some people in wars do not have combat experience because they do other things. Some combatants may not have what others call real war experiences because they were involved for only a few days or hours, may not have lost anyone of their squad, or seen anyone killed by their own hand. They may not have been in the country at war for more than a few weeks. Yet, even those people are touched by war’s traumatic energy, and may seek help for whatever they did and saw.

What most of us don't know is that when any kind of combat begins, all the lofty ideas, pretty slogans, and noble sentiments to be had, fall away for the soldier.

In battle, men fight in order that they and their buddies stay alive. They do the most amazing and unthinkable things to stay in existence. These things never match the romantic ideas of the popular talk.

And all the horrors, fear, and violent carnage of combat hurts men and teaches them lessons of life most of us don’t realize exist. War teaches men how to survive the worst and still be human, though often they may not think so.

It’s this human side of men that we can learn from, and should.

SUGGESTION: Avoid imposing your ideas or beliefs on those who have warred and learn to listen to what they say, don’t want to say, and attempt to say with their bodies as well as their words.